Since we last spoke, luminescent readers, The Brown Note has been through a great many changes. Certainly, some things haven't changed. The Brown Note is still angry at Brian Wilson (the pitcher, not the Beach Boy), still disturbed and disheartened by the customers of Hero's, and still generally pessimistic. Check out the previous blogs if you don't believe me. This time, The Brown Note has something positive to say.
As of December 25th, 2010, The Brown Note is engaged to his better half. His far better half. Yes, on Christmas morning, BN made it official.
The Brown Note remembers the exact moment it became clear to Brown Note that Brown Note should propose to her loveliness. Suffering in the black dregs of the Hero's kitchen, it hit the Brown Note like a shot. Cliche alert. Looking down at his cheese grease-crusted, tomato sauce-soaked apron, he knew that he had to immediately take action. There was no denying this impulse, because it wasn't just an impulse. It was an undeniable truth, the kind of truth that occurs when you know something is true, but you can't explain why. The kind of truth that occurs the night before a high school nerd stands up to his arch enemy, the bully. You just have to do it. If you don't, you'll never forgive yourself. You'll forever be haunted by "what-if's". The Brown Note just knew it was the right thing to do, even though he didn't. He knew he would never find a better half more honest, more loyal, or more completely endearing in every single way than Laura.
The first thing the Brown Note did was call his mother. Immediately. In the middle of dinner service. The Brown Note couldn't have possibly cared less about the consequences to his employment at that moment, this was infinitely more important. The Brown Note leaves through the back door, and immediately proceeds to the curb on the corner of 9th and L, while his cell phone is already ringing. Mama Note answers, definitely clueless to the news that is about to be levied on her. Brown Note reveals his plans to Mama Note, and she is understandably flabberghasted. Brown Note wants to give Mama Note and James Roland Malone's (R.I.P., you fuckin' savage, you) diamond to Laura. Mama Note becomes instantly elated, and agrees to do absolutely anything to make Brown Note's engagement to Laura possible. She aches for grandchildren. Chill, Mama Note. All in good time...
Under the guise of Christmas shopping (totally NOT sneaky), Brown Note meets with Mama Note and makes the exchange. The diamond is now BN's. Brown Note vows to pay it off, somehow, but Mama Note is more gracious than she ever should be to her loser child, and plays it coy. The diamond is getting passed on, and grandchildren are promised, so she would be satisfied to give it away for free... For the Brown Note's part, it means more than he could ever explain that the same diamond that ringed Mama Note's finger in 1975 is ringing Lovely Laura's finger in 2010. Chosen by James Roland Malone himself.
Then came the waiting. The Brown Note knows he talked to James Myers, that little sawed-off badass, but only remembers the concern. Do I have it in me? Am I husband material? Can I take care of Laura as well as she deserves? Is it weird that I have a certain calm around me, should I be more disturbed? Most important of all, how do I approach her father? I know for a fact I can't propose to her without asking his permission first, but I'm terrified! How do I breach this subject? James Myers, being who he is, tells me that I most certainly should talk to Tripp Howell before I ask Laura ( I spell it with 2 "p's" because he is doubly badass), despite the fact that he has NO experience on the subject. He's right, though. That's why I asked. James Myers knows alot of things. You wouldn't think it by looking at him, but it's true.
Facing the inevitable, I stall. I justify the progression of time by telling myself that I'm waiting for the perfect moment. I don't have much time, and I'm dying inside, both for my pussiness and my fear that Tripp may actually NOT bless the union.
Unexpectedly, the moment arrived. A trip to god-forsaken Ripon leaves Brown Note in the eye of the storm. This isn't right!! Tripp Howell is hanging up Laura's stocking, the same one she's had since she was young. I'm a douchebag. That's his little girl!! I can't!! But I have to. Laura is standing right next to Brown Note, and I'm talking to myself, fully aware that the moment is at hand. Just leave the room, Laura...
This isn't how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to be calm and composed. I was supposed to call Tripp on the telephone and invite him to dinner, and ask his blessing like a gentleman. But I didn't have the balls, and now here we are...
Laura leaves the room, ironically speaking to her mother about what Tripp (double badass) wants for Christmas. A chilled silence, that only the Brown Note can feel, falls over the room. Tripp Howell goes about hanging up stockings and opening mail:
Brown Note (To Himself): Dammit, Malone, you're gonna ruin Christmas, but you HAVE to do this NOW...
Brown Note (To Himself): Dammit, Malone, you're gonna ruin Christmas, but you HAVE to do this NOW...
Silence...
More uncomfortable silence. Probably a silence that was normal to Tripp, but lead-heavy to me....
Brown Note looks over his shoulder, makes sure that Laura is knee-deep in conversation (she's very good at talking on the phone), and finally breaks what seems to him like a overbearing quiet...
Brown Note: So, Tripp, can I talk to you about something real quick?
Tripp: Sure!! What's up??
Readers, keep in mind that despite the Brown Note's unpreparedness for this particular moment, he had been contemplating what to say to Tripp for weeks....
Brown Note, seizing the moment: Well, Sir, I'm thinking about proposing to Laura...
(Fuck!! Tell him how much you love her! Tell him!)
So is that cool with you!?
(Oh man, you blew it. Dumbass...)
Tripp: Well, that's between you guys. It's your life.
Brown Note: uhhhhh..... Well, I just wanted to make sure it was ok with you. It means alot to me.
The Brown Note is thrown off. Not only by his own lack of eloquence, but by Tripp's seeming total acceptance of this whole fact. He can't possibly accept this. I suck!! Tripp proceeds to hang stockings, as if Brown Note just asked to borrow butter. To be fair, this was a first for him, too, and I have no idea what was going on in his head, but in my frantic mind, he seemed almost unconcerned. I'm sure that's not accurate, I'm sure he was more eloquent, in fact I know that more was said, but my head was spinning and I couldn't possibly keep it all straight if I had tried.
It was only a week or so until Christmas morning. Mama Note texts BN at about 8 am on December 25 to see if it has happened yet. She wants grandchildren, and she wants them now. Not yet, Mom. Patience...
Being the romantic that Brown Note is, he waits until the presents have all been opened. Laura leaves the room to do... something... in her little sister's room. Tripp has left the room, and the rest of the Howell family is minding their business... They know. They are probably wondering why the heck I'm such a pussy.
I follow Laura into her sister's room. Again, not how I had it all planned...
Brown Note: Hey Laura... (gets down on one knee)
Will you...
Laura: Yes!!!!!! (Snatches the ring, box and all, out of the Brown Note's hand)
Brown Note: marry me?
God bless Laura's beautiful heart. I love the hell out of her. Laura runs out of the room, shoves the ring in her sister's face and does a dance that can't possibly be duplicated. Oh yeah, she did give me a kiss first. She proceeds to call her friends, my friends, her friend's friends, her family... I stand around stunned that she actually said yes.
I wish I could make her that happy every day. If only she knew what she was getting into.
