Some Made-To-Break New Year's Resolutions

Merry Xmas. That's so I can piss of both Xtians and atheists.

I have honestly never made a New Year's resolution. I have always figured it would just be an exercise in futility.

And it probably is, but it could be fun. Since I've never done it before, I'll make it easy on myself. Then, I'll still break each one. Except the ones that are meaningless, which I will never give up on. Perhaps a new way to gamble has just been suggested?

1) Infiltrate Club 33 by talking my way in.
2) At long last, tell a noisy teenager in a movie theater to shut the hell up.
3) Listen to more music from the 90's
4) Watch more movies from the 80's
5) Memorize a list of crock pot recipes
6) Drink less (I've got 48 hours to rage, but what does "less" mean, anyway?).
7)  Carry a notepad. Write down random wisdom/buffoonery and keep it forever.
8) Beat more video games (consider this one a LOCK).
9) Read more books.
10) Become certified in something.
11) Exercise regularly. Sigh...
12) Get a portrait of myself made.
13) Retain, and re-use, some ancient Norse wisdom.
14) Tithe. To anything BUT a church.
15) Quote the bible to a Christian. Out of context.
16) Shave my face when necessary, not ABSOLUTELY necessary.
17) Hope shaving leads to long-sought magical Berzerker Beard.
18) Cause Matt Kemp and Rhianna to break up.

What's that smell!? Is it my sweatshirt, or is that success?